Walking Hormones With Super Powers
by thehummingbird317
Summary: It doesn't make sense. What's going on? It's Teen Titans! The Lost Episodes. All of them. Don't read if you're going to take it seriously. It's a JOKE and funny. It's not reccomended if you don't have a sense of humor. Whateva. Just read already.
1. Lance Bass is Gay?

Robin was very ugly and gay but that's not the point. The point was that he was walking down a hall. In his letter shaped house. He was also very thankful that it was a T and not a Z or Q. But that would be kind of interesting. Anyways, he was walking. Like he does. He's still walking. You know what…let's go take a look at something more interesting. Let's see…

Raven's in her room, cutting herself again and listening to James Blunt. "I like it when the red water comes out…" Said she. That's nice Raven. We don't care.

Starfire's working at her second job as a mugger. Look at her beat up Lance Bass. He's so funny when he's gay.

"No! Stop!" Lance Bass begs.

"Give me your money!" She says as she rips out his heart and shoves it in her pocket. Then rips out his internal organ through his throat. Awh. Ain't that adorable. She's hot, huh? Look at that outfit. Orgasmic, eh?

Beastboy's…well since this is rated Teen we can't say what he's doing. But I didn't know legs could bend that way. Hmm…I have to check on that later.

Cyborg's…well no one really cares about him anyway.

Suddenly that…red light and the beeping noise starts lighting and beeping…a lot. Which can only mean that something really bad is happening in the city of…something. Whatever it's name is. Townsville. Citysburg. Whatever, even I know that wasn't funny or clever.

Starfire flew away from her mugging and left Lance Bass dead. But somehow still gay.

Raven stopped cutting herself but realized that she was feeling dizzy from the loss of blood and all of that pot she was smoking. So…she kind of…hobbled over.

Beastboy stopped doing his thing and went to the circular room with the televisions too.

Cyborg went too. Robin continued walking cause he's retarded.

"What's wrong? Who died?" Said Cyborg.

"It seems that there is evil afoot…like it is in my soul." Raven said as she grabbed a rusty spork and began to cut her thighs. "Somewhere over the rainbow…"

"What should we do? According to this conveniently placed diagram the city's on fire." Starfire said, "And stocks are up and Lance Bass is dead. Not to mention Paris is a slut."

"True. But we can't do anything unless Robin says "Teen Titans GO!" Beastboy pointed out while putting on his pants again. Those naughty blondes.

"Then…what do we do ya'll." Cyborg vocalized.

They all stood there silently and looked around.

"I'm bored…" Said Starfire.

"Let's leave…" Said Beastboy.

So they all went back to their rooms. But not before Beastboy helped Robin out. He had walked into a wall and gotten lost in the wallpaper.

But it's not over…

I think…


	2. Lindsay Runs Over Some Activists

The Teen Titans walked out from the movie theaters, all of them talking eagerly about the movie they had just seen. 

"I liked it. I saw a beauty in it that most people have trouble seeing. I thought it was awesome…" Said Cyborg who no one was really listening too.

"It's hot. It really got me going…" Robin said, wiping the sweat from his brow.

Starfire rolled her eyes, "Yeah we can all tell…" She eyed Robin's pants which were fitting very tightly and were looking as if he were smuggling broken pencil stubs in them.

"What movie were we seeing? Beastboy had me on my back before I could see anything…" Raven said in her normal "I have no feelings" type of voice.

Starfire looked at her oddly, "Cars…"

"Oh…" Said Robin in shock, "Really? That's…" He glanced down at his pants, "odd…"

For a few moments there was an awkward silence as they all looked at each other feeling somewhat awkward. Then Beastboy stopped making out with Raven long enough to throw a rock at Robin. This made everyone happy again as Robin lay bleeding on the ground.

Suddenly, Robin's communicator started to make that noise when it has some sort of message on it. Robin regained consciousness long enough for him to pick it up.

"Hello?" He said weakly, his head still bleeding torrents of blood onto the ground, causing everyone to chuckle lightly.

"Yees. Hallow Teeen Tietuns. Thees es Ahnuld Shwartzenagur." Said the voice from the communicator.

"You gave Arnold Schwarzenegger our number?" Starfire asked, rolling her eyes, "Great…"

"Yees. I hauv aen asignmunt feour yeew." Said the man Arnold in his…accent from somewhere I haven't heard of.

"What is it?" Robin asked, "Just tell us and we'll do it."

"Wee hauv reeceveed eenfourmaetioun thaaet Leedseey Louhaenh weel exshploud twodeay…"

They all blinked for a while, all of them trying to decipher what that strange actor gone governor had just said.

Starfire nodded, "We should use the translator we designed for the guy at 7-11." Grabbing the walkie-talkie thingy from Robin she began to fiddle with the buttons until the voice came back with a more white guy tone of voice.

"We have received information that Lindsay Lohan will explode today. Hilary Duff has planted a bomb in her car soshe will explode when she reaches twenty-seven miles per hour. When she explodes, Hilary will have whoever they were fighting over all to herself. Will you accept?"

Robin shrugged, "Whatever…"

The communicator (that's what they're called) turned off, and Starfire grabbed it and beat Robin over the head with a bat. "You stupid little homo"

Soon, they were all on Sunset Boulevard waiting for Lindsay Lohan to get back from shopping. They all hid behind a mailbox near her car waiting.

"How will we know when she's reached 27 mph?" Asked Cyborg.

They all looked at the car and saw the bomb duct tapped to the windshield. With it's menacing black metal exterior and even more frightening, 'OFF' button. They all shuttered at the thought of the pop singer/actress/whore suddenly exploding. But not really.

Lindsay walked out from the Wal-mart and made her way to her car. She stepped in a began to drive. The teen titans dashed after her as she pulled away, gaining speed.

"She's speeding up! We'll have to slow her down!" Said Cyborg.

"She's speeding up! We'll have to slow her down!" Said Raven.

Everyone nodded.

"You're right Raven." Starfire said. Reaching over she grabbed one of the animal activist protesting and tossed it at the car. He landed on the hood and rolled off, quickly being run over like a possum under an SUV.

"It didn't work!" Exclaimed Robin.

"Let's keep trying!" Beastboy grabbed one of the same sex marriage activists and threw him at the car while Raven used her crazy powers to grab one of the illegal immigrants activist and tossed him at the car. Both got run over and died.

"This isn't working!" Robin exclaimed…again.

The car that contained Lindsay exploded in a fiery explosion and pieces of the car (and her) flew everywhere. They all rushed over and looked the scene over.

"This could be worst…" Starfire suggested.

Lindsay Lohan's arm suddenly fell on Cyborg, knocking him out.

"We're such bad heroes!" Cried Robin.

"Whatever…" Said Beastboy, Raven and Starfire in unison.

Then from the smoke a figure immerged racing forward. They all looked up, gazing at it's mystery. As it drew closer, they saw that it was…Ashton Kutcher?

"Oh -beep-" Said Starfire "-beep, beep, beep-" Laughing she ran away from him. Ashton chased her.

"We we're -beep- ing duped!" Said Beastboy also laughing,

Ashton pointed to the car, "Don't worry. Lindsay was just acting surprisingly. And ever Arnold was in on it!"

Arnold walked forward, waving.

Lindsay stood up, smiling, "It wasn't my real arm!"

All the Teen Titans gathered together in front of the camera laughing, "We we're Punk'd!"

Starfire found a piece of glass and stabbed Lindsay, who died instantly.


	3. House of 1000 Celebrity Corpses

"Hey guys!" Cyborg said as he skipped into the room with all the kitchen stuff and TV in it.

Everyone ignored him and went on with their lives.

"I made a new friend!" Continued Cyborg.

No one cared.

"Her name is JJ. Say hi JJ!" Cyborg turned his head and stood there a while looking. Then he smiled, "Good JJ!"

Beastboy finally looked up at Cyborg, "Who's that?"

"It's JJ." Said Cyborg excitedly.

"Whatever." Beastboy stood up and walked out of the room. As he walked down the hall, he heard a creak further down. With much tension, or more precisely none because he really didn't care, he continued down the hall.

Suddenly he came upon a deranged figure hanging from the ceiling. He would have screamed but he didn't care because it was Taylor Hicks and no one REALLY likes Taylor Hicks.

Starfire was standing next to him with a bloody axe, "Oh! Hey Beastboy! This is really freaky and all but I just found Taylor Hicks dead body hanging here."

He shrugged, "So?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought." She turned and left, digging the bloody axe into the wall and leaving a long gouge as she did.

Robin, Raven and Cyborg ran up next to him.

"What's wrong?" Asked Robin.

"Nothing." Beastboy shrugged.

"But this American Idol contestant is hanging from our ceiling!" Robin said in shock.

"I hated him anyway…" Raven grabbed her book, Catcher in the Rye and began tearing out the pages and giving herself paper cuts between her fingers. "Yes…bleed my pretties."

"I blame Cyborg cause I feel like it." Said Robin.

"It wasn't me!" Cyborg anxiously looked over next to him, "It was JJ. She said that he sucked a lot and that his death was needed."

"Okay then…" Robin patted Cyborg on the shoulder and then kissed him on the cheek. Which cheeks you may ask but I will not tell.

From down the hall, there was a scream and they all rushed towards it. They found Starfire, with a chainsaw spewing specks of blood everywhere, laughing manically. When she saw the others she smiled, "Oh! Hi guys! Guess what. I was just walking around and I found Nicole Richie's corpse. It looks like a chainsaw has been taken to it."

"That is strange…who could have done this?" Robin said thoughtfully.

They all stood there, deep in thought, while the sound of Starfire's bloodied chainsaw continued. Slowly, they all turned to Cyborg.

"Did you do this?" Robin asked.

"No! JJ did! She said it was necessary!" Cyborg shivered, "She's angry…"

"There's no such thing as JJ…" Raven rolled her eyes as she cracked a Hawthorne Heights album in half and half and used the pieces to cut herself. "Trust me…"

From around the corner of the hall, a figure stormed forward, muttering naughty, naughty words. It was the "blonde haired pop diva" Paris Hilton. She walked up to Robin, "Listen here "TEEN TITANS…"

"How'd you get in here…" Beastboy asked.

"It was a writer's convenience I bet…" Raven said.

"…Nicole Richie owed me like…Ten dollars! Which is weird that I'm so worked up over that because I could pull ten dollars out of my bra…but that's not the point!"

Suddenly a black blur raced forward and began beating Paris Hilton. They all watched in amazement. Well not really, but you get the point as the black blur stabbed Paris in the forehead with a metal bar.

"JJ! No!" Cyborg cried.

The black blur stood up and turned to face them in all of her black skinned glory.

"Janet Jackson?" They all said in astonishment.

"That's right! For some reason this black robot man called me JJ and kept telling everyone he had a new friend when I really just wanted to stash some corpses in here." Janet laughed.

So did everyone else.

"We thought that story was fishy." Beastboy chuckled, "Cyborg doesn't have any friends."

Suddenly, from behind them, Paris rose up growling. Janet Jackson whirled around to face the menace.

Beastboy grabbed a boom box from somewhere and it began to play Justin Timberlake's sexy song Rock Your Body.

Janet ripped off her own top and began to whip Paris with it until Paris was dead on the floor.

"Well…let's put that with the other bodies…" Raven said emo-ly.

They all laughed for no apparent reason.


	4. Morgan Freeman Can Fly?

Rain was raining as the Teen Titans drove down the street in their car type thing. The car hadn't been running very well.

They stopped in front of an apartment building to see what could be the matter. With much effort, they found they had something in their wheel.

"Well here's the problem." Starfire said, "We had Lil' Kim stuck on our wheel."

They all nodded as this was quite a problem having an ex-convict on the bottom of your car. Starfire tossed Lil' Kim's body in the trunk and they all got back in the car only to find that it still didn't work.

Having nothing else to do, they went inside the apartment. They climbed the stairs until they found an unlocked door. They figured they could just throw whoever was in their out, considering they were superheroes.

To their horror, they found a giant whale surrounded by Crispy Cream boxes. They all were moderately surprised at this, but not really.

On the wall written in jelly filling, was the word Gluttony. They all didn't care.

"It seems that the killer was already here." A voice said from behind them.

They all turned and saw Morgan Freeman walking towards them, in some sort of detective getup.

"The killer?" Asked Raven.

He nodded, "Some deranged killer has been going around and killing people according to the seven deadly sins. It's quite a horrible thing actually…"

They all shrugged.

"Not really…" Beastboy said.

Raven grabbed one of the Crispy Cream donuts from the floor and tried to cut herself with it. She began even more depressed and emo when she found out she couldn't. She lay down on the floor and cried.

"So what is this whale blob thing?" Asked Robin. "A whale right?"

"No, it's Rosie O'Donnell. It looks like the killer fed her donuts…or more likely she ate them herself until her stomach exploded." Morgan Freeman sighed, "She's the sixth one."

"Who else died?" Cyborg asked.

There was silence.

"Who else died?" Asked Starfire.

"We found Ryan Seacrest in his dressing room dead and bald. It seems the killer gave him the choice between living a few months bald or a gun. He chose the gun and above him, we found the word Pride taped in hair."

"I always knew he'd die like that." Starfire sighed.

"It's true. She was always telling us about how she thought someone would shave his head and he'd shoot himself."

"Whatever. Then we found Bill Gates dead. He had fallen out an open window and in dollar bills we found the word Greed written above his computer. Then we found Angelina Jolie. It seems the killer disguised himself as a plastic surgeon and then injected her lips with too much lip…make bigger stuff and they exploded. We found Lust written in lipstick. Then we found Lindsay Lohan…"

"We already killed her detective. I stabbed her in the throat cause she was bugging me." Starfire cut in.

"Oh then never mind. It was actually Hilary Duff and we found that a small dog had ripped out her face and the dog had Envy shaved into it. Then we found Quentin Tarantino. Someone had given him a paper cut with a magazine. It looks like her tried to defend himself by spitting on the killer but he died before he could get away. We found the word wrath on post it on his forehead."

"Then that only leaves one left…" Said Robin, deep in thought.

A FedEx guy walked by the door, "Package for Morgan Freeman." He tossed the package and it hit Robin, who fell out a window and got run over by the FedEx man as he drove away.

Morgan Freeman quickly opened the package and leapt back in terror, "My gosh! It's…"

They all looked over and saw the flattened body of Clay Aiken stuffed into the box.

"It looks like he's been squished…" Said Beastboy.

"Like a fly on the wall." Added Raven, who had found a fork and felt much better and more emo now.

Written in eyeliner on Clay Aiken's forehead was the word Nerd.

"Of course! The final sin." Said Morgan Freeman, "Nerdiness…"

"Since when has that been a sin?" Asked Robin, who was hobbling into the room.

Morgan Freeman tripped Robin and this made everyone laugh as he groaned in pain of his broken limbs.

He cleared his throat, "Since always…"

Then a man walked in. He was white and this made everyone think that he was the killer so they shot Cyborg. Then shot the man.

"Good job Teen Titans, you helped me solve another mystery." Morgan Freeman than turned and leapt out of the window and flew away.

"I feel like we did good today…" Said Beastboy and they all nodded in agreement.

Except Cyborg, who was suffering from blood loss.


	5. Going Out for a Public Affair

Robin hung up the phone and ran into the circular room of televisions and kitchen appliances, "Guess what!" He said excitedly. 

Starfire looked up at him and removed her pig mask, after removing "The Venus Flytrap" from the film critic, Robert Ebert's, head and tossing his body into the freezer, "What?"

"I just got this phone call and it was all like Jessica Simpson and she was all like…Hey! Want to go on a date with me and I was all like, yeah!" He giggled, "I got a date with Jessica!"

Starfire shrugged and the grabbed her shotgun and walked out the front door, screams following here as she did.

Beast boy turned to Robin, "Where are you going?"

"Skating rink." Robin shrugged as he got his new pink tights on. Now ever tighter than the original.

Raven grabbed a knife and began cutting her wrists, but then realized that it was boring. So she thought about it and then raised it to her eye.

Cyborg reached down and grabbed the bloody-knife, "Thanks! I need this!" And began chopping tomatoes for his stew. Raven lay down on the floor and sighed.

Later that evening, Robin went to the roller rink and met Jessica Simpson. Little did he know that the other Teen Titans didn't really care. But never the less, they had snuck to the roller rink as well.

Jessica Simpson hugged Robin, "Oh Robin!" She looked behind him and saw Nick Lachey, her ex-husband, walk through the door. She gasped, "Quick! Spank me!"

Doing as he was told, he spanked Jessica who giggled with glee all while keeping an eye on her ex-husband. After he left, they got their skates and began to skate in the skating rink.

Starfire was skating too with her chainsaw, mutilating everyone in her path. "All the girls stepping out for a public affair…" Sings Starfire as the two blondes in front of her died.

Jessica Simpson and Robin skated in the rink, narrowly missing the mutilated bodies. Once again, Jessica saw her ex-husband sitting alone at a table.

"Quick! Lick my neck!"

Robin did as he was told and licked her neck and Jessica giggled. Again.

Then they both sat at the food court and Jessica ate a popsicle and a banana. Then she went into the bathroom and threw it all back up before returning to Robin.

Again, she spotted Nick Lachey, now having a cutting spree with Raven. "Quick! Bite my knee!"

Doing as he was told bit her knee.

The evening was boring and stupid. And at the end they had one last skate together.

"I had fun tonight," Said Robin.

"Yeah, I was actually just using you to make Nick jealous. But he seems to be doing well with that emo dyke-chick over there. But I still don't like you…" Jessica then turned and skated away, but then she fell into a pit of needles in the middle. A trap set up by the notorious Starfire no doubt and she died.

Nick Lachey looked over, but didn't care and then kept cutting himself until he accidentally lost to much blood and died too.

Robin sighed, "I feel like the ending was rushed…"

The other Teen Titans laughed at him for being dumped and then left him there to wallow in his self-pity.


End file.
